Throughout the past few weeks, I have finally been taking the time to sit down and write my senior seminar paper. I know the paper is two years late, but I truly do not think that, if I had written the paper any sooner, I could have written an honest paper reflecting on my experience in India and processing how my time there is affecting my worldview.
My junior and senior years at Hope were the worst two years of my life. By the time graduation came, I couldn't wait to escape. Throwing myself into a world completely different than anything I knew in Michigan didn't erase my issues, but it did help me look at my own problems in a new light. I learned that most of the horrible things that happened to me happened because I allowed them to. I immersed myself in situations that were life-sucking and not life-giving. I twisted how I thought about the relationships I had in order to believe that love was actually present, in some form, in all of them.
While the actions and words of the people around me were in fact void of love, the thoughts I had were so twisted and so full of lies that I spiraled into a deep depression. The strange thing about depression is that I could say anything I wanted to make others believe I was okay. I was also a gold medalist in placing blame on others. I held onto pain that I felt for years. I knew I had people around me that loved me, but I tried so hard to fix the issues I had with the people hurting me, when I really should have just let it all go and erased the people out of my life that I was allowing to hurt me.
India taught me to look for beauty in everything and everyone. I spent a lot of time with the girls I traveled with. I got annoyed with them, and I am sure they were annoyed with me. We were all traveling in a foreign country not at all like our own. Of course we were all going to be annoying at times. I held in my frustrations, though, and I didn't even write out my frustrations in my journal. I am glad I can look back through my journal and remember all of those girls as beautiful women with good and pure intentions. I even look back on the beggars and street children with love, even though they pinched the backs of my arms and tugged at the legs of my clothing, wiping their dirty hands on my back as they begged for money. That's all they know, and I can't judge them for that. They are just people trying to survive. "The best I can do is show love to them, even if that means just giving them a smile," is something I wrote in my journal a number of times throughout my trip.
India taught me to not judge or twist relationships. I have to be confident that God will work things out in His own way and at His own time. I have to remember that I am loved, even when I am single. There are all kinds of relationships and all kinds of love to be shared in this world. I feel more full than ever! This has come only with deep reflection, a growing sense of self-awareness, a community of faithful believers, forgiveness (both towards myself and towards others, even when I don't receive it in return), and constant prayer (especially when said out loud).
I have come to realize how important it is to tell the people in our lives how much we love and appreciate them. We need to show acts of love to the people we care about each and every day. I believe this because I have experienced a lot of loss lately, but also because I have experienced great gains, and I think the people who are life-giving to me deserve to know.
Tell someone today: "I love you, and I appreciate you!"
My junior and senior years at Hope were the worst two years of my life. By the time graduation came, I couldn't wait to escape. Throwing myself into a world completely different than anything I knew in Michigan didn't erase my issues, but it did help me look at my own problems in a new light. I learned that most of the horrible things that happened to me happened because I allowed them to. I immersed myself in situations that were life-sucking and not life-giving. I twisted how I thought about the relationships I had in order to believe that love was actually present, in some form, in all of them.
While the actions and words of the people around me were in fact void of love, the thoughts I had were so twisted and so full of lies that I spiraled into a deep depression. The strange thing about depression is that I could say anything I wanted to make others believe I was okay. I was also a gold medalist in placing blame on others. I held onto pain that I felt for years. I knew I had people around me that loved me, but I tried so hard to fix the issues I had with the people hurting me, when I really should have just let it all go and erased the people out of my life that I was allowing to hurt me.
India taught me to look for beauty in everything and everyone. I spent a lot of time with the girls I traveled with. I got annoyed with them, and I am sure they were annoyed with me. We were all traveling in a foreign country not at all like our own. Of course we were all going to be annoying at times. I held in my frustrations, though, and I didn't even write out my frustrations in my journal. I am glad I can look back through my journal and remember all of those girls as beautiful women with good and pure intentions. I even look back on the beggars and street children with love, even though they pinched the backs of my arms and tugged at the legs of my clothing, wiping their dirty hands on my back as they begged for money. That's all they know, and I can't judge them for that. They are just people trying to survive. "The best I can do is show love to them, even if that means just giving them a smile," is something I wrote in my journal a number of times throughout my trip.
India taught me to not judge or twist relationships. I have to be confident that God will work things out in His own way and at His own time. I have to remember that I am loved, even when I am single. There are all kinds of relationships and all kinds of love to be shared in this world. I feel more full than ever! This has come only with deep reflection, a growing sense of self-awareness, a community of faithful believers, forgiveness (both towards myself and towards others, even when I don't receive it in return), and constant prayer (especially when said out loud).
I have come to realize how important it is to tell the people in our lives how much we love and appreciate them. We need to show acts of love to the people we care about each and every day. I believe this because I have experienced a lot of loss lately, but also because I have experienced great gains, and I think the people who are life-giving to me deserve to know.
Tell someone today: "I love you, and I appreciate you!"
