"I Have a Dream ..."

From slavery
to the freedom marches
to the Detroit riots
to white flight
to Tupac being a voice for change
to Ferguson and Michael Brown
to New York and Eric Gardner
to every day in my neighborhood
and to every moment in between--

how much has really changed about the way we think? the way we speak? the way we act?


Sure, everyone in our country has the right to vote. Sure, there are laws protecting us all from discrimination in the workplace. Sure, we have a black president. But how many of us can actually stand up and say, "Yes, I believe everyone is treated fairly and equally in this country"?

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Tonight, I saw 'Selma,' and it rocked me.
I've cried in a movie theater before, but tonight, I sobbed to the point of having to take deep breaths to calm down.

As I watched the film, I thought about all that Martin Luther King Jr. and his crew did to try to peacefully bring equality and reconciliation to our country, but I also thought of all that has still not changed.

Why, after hundreds of years of thousands of people battling injustice, do we still see so much inequality in our own neighborhoods-- on our own streets-- today?

Let's take a look back to one of our Founding Fathers, one of our first presidents, Mr. Thomas Jefferson. He had some thoughts on the matter in his "Notes on the State of Virginia":

"To justify a general conclusion, requires many observations, even where the subject may be submitted to the Anatomical knife, to Optical glasses, to analysis by fire, or by solvents ... let me add too, as a circumstance of great tenderness, where our conclusion would degrade a whole race of men from the rank in the scale of beings which their Creator may perhaps have given them ... advance it therefore as a suspicion only, that the blacks, whether originally a distinct race, or made distinct by time and circumstances, are inferior to the whites in the endowments both of body and mind ... Will not a lover of natural history then, one who views the gradations in all the races of animals with the eye of philosophy, excuse an effort to keep those in the department of man as distinct as nature has formed them." 

Thomas Jefferson (remember-- one of our Founding Fathers) called forward scientists to run scientific tests to try to prove that blacks are actually a different species than whites-- a species inferior to that of whites. And guess what? Scientists, renowned scientists from across the Americas and Europe, DID come forward and came up with results that they used to make the American people believe this was all true. WHAT.

This belief that science proved that blacks (and all people of color) were inferior (and a separate species) to whites became buried deep in the minds of Americans.

This belief led to segregation in society even after blacks were granted freedom from slavery.

This belief led to blacks, and others of color, ending up in impoverished neighborhoods.

This belief led to people of color struggling to find jobs suitable to support a family.

This belief, still today, has many believing that people of color are "stealing" our jobs; are the reason for crime; are inferior to white people.

Something, still, has got to change.

This something is a mindset-- an entire societal belief system.

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As I watched 'Selma'; as I watched footage from Ferguson; I kept seeing the faces of each of my students, of their older brothers and sisters and cousins, of their moms and dads and uncles and aunts. Still, I worry for them. I worry that one of them, one of these people whom I love so deeply and dearly, might end up the boy or girl/ the man or woman of color on the wrong end of a misunderstanding with a white police officer. 

But I also have hope. I have hope that each of my students will grow to be adults; adults who show mercy and grace and compassion towards others; adults with voices to be heard; adults with opinions who use logic and reason to make positive changes in this world.

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Martin Luther King Jr. (in his "Drum Major Instinct" sermon on February 4, 1968) said, "My life will not be in vain."

Let us not live our lives in vain either. We cannot let the lives of those who died standing up for what is right be given in vain.

Do you believe all are created equal? Do you believe God's plan is for us to try to bring Heaven to earth, even NOW?

Then let's start living like it! Let's start making positive changes in our own neighborhoods--

changes that ensure businesses run by people of color are successful

changes that ensure schools in low income neighborhoods offer students the same education that affluent schools offer

changes that ensure students of color and low income status grow up with the same hope and belief that they can be successful and make a difference.

An old hymn rings, "My eyes have seen the coming of the glory of the Lord."

I believe that this change can come, and I believe we can bring this change to earth now.

Sure, true reconciliation of all people and of all nature will only come when our Good Lord returns, but we sure can do our best to bring the best change we can here and now.

restless

Lately, a common thread has tied many of my conversations together. Many people my age, myself included, feel restless. We chose to settle here in Grand Rapids, but there seems to be a deep longing within many of us that whispers, "Go. Go out into the world. Experience something different. Go make an impact somewhere larger and new." There is something beautiful about diving into a new place and building a new community in a place that seems to have more diversity (both in terms of people and activities). What I often tend to overlook is how meaningful life can be when you choose to stay put; when you decide to grow deep roots in a place.

Last night, I saw Propaganda, a Christian rapper, perform at Calvin College. That man is preaching the Gospel, and he has the courage to speak the Truth both in his lyrics and in his life. He said many words that buried themselves within my heart, but one message shouted loudly at me. Someone once asked him, "Where is your ministry?" He replied, "Wherever my feet are standing."

"Where is your ministry?"
"Wherever my feet are standing."

WOW. What a great reminder that it's okay to stay put. This is where I am, and I might as well do the best I can in this place at this time. It is important to be faithful, day in and day out, even when it seems mundane. It is important to be intentional and build a strong community with those around us (wherever we are).

Yes, Grand Rapids is small. No, I didn't imagine myself settling down in West Michigan when I graduated from college a few years ago. I have been so blessed by staying put, though. There are some amazing people doing amazing things here in Grand Rapids-- amazing things in art; amazing things in education; amazing things with food; amazing things towards racial reconciliation; and more! All of these things are present in this city. It is up to us to seek them out, to get involved, to build relationships with those already involved, and to continually invest ourselves in these movements day in and day out.  Although Grand Rapids is small, this is indeed a good place to be. Grand Rapids has the potential for big and great things to happen. Although it's difficult at times, it is up to us to stay put and remain faithful in order to make things great.

there's a world out there for us to see

This world is a large and magnificent place. Get out there and explore!

To all of my beloveds, if you ever get the chance, explore the west coast of the United States, particularly the Pacific Northwest coast. My friend Mandy and I recently returned from a tour of the area, and I constantly found myself in awe at the works of our Creator's wonderful hands. We kept saying to one another, "I didn't think I would see anything more beautiful than the last place we were at, but this may be more beautiful!"

Not only did we see the mountains, the shores of the Pacific (for the first time!), the Redwood forests, magnificent waterfalls, and many beautiful sights in between-- we also experienced the grace, the goodness, and the healing hand of God. At one point in our trip, we were out to eat, and when we came back to the car, we found that someone had smashed in the back window and stole our backpacks. It only took a few moments to realize that our cameras, some clothes, and a few other belongings had been taken from us. We all were silent most of that night. We felt sadness for the loss of our belongings and photos, guilt that we should have placed our things in the trunk and saved our friends' car window, and anger that someone could do such a thing.

This event could have easily become our focus and ruined our entire trip.

Thankfully, the Lord intervened and softened our hearts.

Mandy and I sat back and realized, "You know what? This sucks, but this trip is still awesome. We have seen so many beautiful places on this trip so far, and we still have a week of adventures ahead of us. God is still good, and He has shown us this through His beautiful landscapes."

We continued on our trip, down highway 101 through the Redwood National and State Parks; down through the Northern Coast Mountains; down across the Golden Gate Bridge; and into San Francisco. Every turn we made we saw a new sight more magnificent than the last, so we stopped quite frequently, turning a 10.5 hour drive into a 17 hour drive. Rolling into San Francisco at 2:30 am was worth all the stops. We dipped our toes in the Pacific once again, hugged (and drove through!) Redwood trees, and stood in disbelief under trees more than 350 feet tall!

Once in San Francisco, we explored parks with awesome views of the city and the San Francisco Bay, biked around the city and down to the coast, and went on a boat tour out on the Bay that took us under the Golden Gate Bridge and around Alcatraz. We spent one afternoon reading books and eating ice cream from Ghirardelli while sitting on steps leading down into the Bay. The sun came out, and we had a view of the G.G. Bridge and the mountains!


In each place, in addition to exploring cities and the nature within and around them, we were able to spend time with many dear friends. I am grateful to all of our hosts for providing us with places to sleep, food to eat, and for showing us around the places they call home. These people, through their actions, showed us that there is a lot of goodness in this world, even when one bad event can make that seem not so.

As my pastor, Jeff Manion, said the other day, "Evil makes headlines. Goodness does not." Evil can seem so big and bad at times, but it's so important that we continue to focus on the good and the beautiful, even when it seems difficult. This trip, overall, was a great reminder of this. 

excerpts from my senior seminar paper [INDIA]

"Wrapped in my lightweight sari with the yellow trim, I stood along the curb of Marine Drive, outside the Sea Green Hotel, overlooking the Arabian Sea."

"Puja smiled as Hollee handed her a balloon. She breathed life into it. Giggled as it squeaked when she squeezed out the air. Again, she breathed life into the balloon. Looked up at us. Breathe. Squeeze. Laugh."

"I sat in the backseat of the taxi with my window open, wind rattling my hair and my arm poking out, rising and falling slowly on the wind, as our taxi driver swerved the rusted black car between guard rails, across multiple lanes of roadway, and past hundreds and hundreds of people. It was the people that caught my attention. Nearly one o'clock in the morning, and there were more people out in the streets than I've seen even in Manhattan. There were men pulling rickshaws on foot; men carrying loads of lumber four feet high on their backs; men sitting cross-legged in circles, gambling; and dozens of people crowded onto each square meter of sidewalk. Men, women, children, babies. Heads propped up on elbows. Heads resting on rough cement. Legs curled around each other in pretzel-like formations. Thin pieces of cloth tied around waists, acting as clothing."

 

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It is amazing how these sentences, written in chicken scratch in my journal nearly three years ago, can take me back to specific moments, leaving me daydreaming about my days in India. I can remember the sounds, the smells, the sights, and how I felt at each exact moment in time. India was so new and sense-assaulting every moment of every day that I find it impossible to forget any detail of my time spent there.

While sense-assaulting at many times, my trip to India gave me a deeper understanding of the world. I came to love the fact that my feet were dirt-stained, that my saris clung to my sweaty back and inner-thighs, that my hair was never once not frizzy, and that I had to dodge traffic every time I crossed the road. Most of all, though, I love that every experience I had was a new one.

 

Two and a half years after my trip, and I am still processing my experiences in India, and I am still searching for ways to show justice to the people I met and the opportunities I had there. I don’t know that I will ever make India clear to others unless they go themselves. I don’t know that India will ever be completely clear to me, but I do hope that I can continue to learn and grow from her, even from afar. Although I faced a lot in India that was difficult to process, I have to remind myself that I didn’t go to India to change India. I went to India to let India change me.

 

India is not a place easily forgotten. Her people are ones you cannot quickly erase from your memory. She has a way of planting a seed of lifelong excitement within you that grows and grows until you think you cannot stand the thought of being away from her any longer.

on patience.

We, as a generation, as a world, have a difficult time practicing patience. With the ability to change a song as soon as we tire of listening to it, text constantly, check instagram and facebook for instant life updates from our friends and family, bring our emails up on our phone whenever we please, or to binge-watch television series on netflix, we've trained ourselves out of the ability to sit and wait. We expect quick results or an instantaneous response to a text, and we lose hope when we don't get them. Often, the best responses are well-thought out and take time. Because we rush through life, we tend to settle for less than anyone's best, including our own. As Christians, we are supposed to do our best to bring Heaven to earth here and now. How are we supposed to accomplish that task each day if we aren't doing everything we can to strive for the perfection of God Himself? This week, I encourage you to rest; to take some time to sit and be and to do nothing else. And pray. Find quiet time to talk with God. I, too, am guilty of moving through life too quickly, but I am always amazed at how God speaks to me when I actually take the time to just be with Him. Try it this week.

change.

Change surrounds me.

Tomorrow, I return to school for meetings to prepare for another year of shaping young minds.
This morning, I began to sort through my belongings to prepare to move.
Last week, I made a payment towards another graduate class.


With the end of each season comes this strange melancholy that finds me lying on my living floor for hours, illuminated by only candles, with the sounds of some record (such as Bon Iver or The National) softly humming through the speakers. I just lie there on the soft white shag rug my parents gave to me for Christmas last year. I stare at the ceiling thinking of all the people in my life and the events and activities we have participated in together over the course of the last few months and of the times that are to come in the next few months.

This summer has felt long, but it comes to an abrupt halt as I face my return to work tomorrow.
This summer, I celebrated my friend Sarah's birthday on a rooftop in Chicago.
This summer, I visited Seattle, where I saw my friends Maria and Laura, hiked up Rattlesnake Ledge in the Cascade Mountains, swam in the Puget Sound and Lake Washington, and explored the city.
This summer, Maria and I ran a half marathon with our friend Mallory on Sauvie Island just north of Portland, Oregon. We hobbled away, stiff and sore, but we felt accomplished, and I smiled all day long. We saw my friend Alyssa, walked around the Rose Gardens, searched for brunch daily, and ate the best ice cream of the summer-- sea salt ice cream w. caramel ribbon and almond brittle w. salted ganache from Salt & Straw.
This summer, I visited home, where I played a lot of Settlers of Catan until late hours of the night, explored Detroit with Dad and saw his childhood home and elementary school, and relaxed with family at home (where we ate a lot of ice cream to celebrate summer).
This summer, I danced for three days straight at Lollapalooza in Chicago, and that left me filled with the kind of joy that forces me to smile from deep within.
This summer, I read many books and drank a lot of good coffee.
This summer, I camped with co-workers and tubed down the Muskegon River.
This summer, I baked cupcakes with kids and took them to the library weekly.
This summer, I got a new tattoo of the Great Lakes to celebrate the place where I live and the water I love.

And now, I face the fall, which is filled with opportunities both exciting and nervewracking.
This fall, I return to school to teach English to the students I love with the co-workers I love.
This fall, I will take my second graduate class: Race, Class, and Language.
This fall, I may be buying a house and moving to the southeast side of GR (God willing it all works out!)
With the purchase of a house comes a lot of mixed feelings. I am so excited about the idea of feeling settled in a place and investing money in a place of my own (rather than paying rent for years to come). I am excited about the possibility of living even closer to school and being able to really invest in that community. I am excited about having a front porch and a backyard (which means more space to host friends and family)! With the purchase of a house, I am also nervous about having less money to travel more, and I am nervous that my friends will move away from Grand Rapids while I grow roots here. Growing roots means investing in a community, but it also means I'm stuck here for a while, and I hope that I can stay okay with that. I have to constantly remind myself that I am still young, and that I can do good and have adventures here in Grand Rapids for a few more years, and if the opportunity to move elsewhere comes up in the future, I can go out into the world then. For now, I have my breaks and summers to explore the world. For now, I will do my best to enjoy the changes coming my way and embrace them.

i have been changed for good.

As I face this final week of the school year, I'm left feeling magnificently relieved and also deeply saddened that the end is near. I have never worked with children that have such high needs both academically and behaviorally, but I have also never loved a group of kids as much as I do these. I have taught these kids important English skills, but the lessons they taught me this year are far more important than any book I had them read or story I had them write. Between taking kids to Friday night movies at school, driving them to school in the morning, teaching them how to cook after school, co-coaching running club, and taking kids out for ice cream on Sunday afternoons, these kids inadvertently taught me that this life is not about me. This life is completely about glorifying God and serving His people each and every day here on this earth. I am busy, and I often feel stressed about all that I must accomplish. It is in the moments when I see children laughing and just being kids that I am reminded to slow down and stop worrying. In these moments, I often think, "So what if I'm tired now? These interactions with these kids are far more important to God's kingdom than the time I might instead spend sitting on my couch. So what if I'm tired now? My time here on earth is pretty short, and I will rest in God's glory when I meet him in eternity." Although this past year I felt stressed far more often than I felt relaxed, I also felt far more fulfilled than I have at any other time in my life. This is not to say that I am without very selfish moments (or days or weeks). My point here is that God is great at reminding me that He is in control, and no matter how tired I may be, as long as I ask, He will always give me the strength and motivation to carry out His good works.

I challenge all of you to sit back and think, "Am I living out a life that pleases God? Am I asking God for the opportunities and strength to carry on His mission?" Trust Him. He will fill you with all things good to the point of overflow when you begin to live out each day in a way that pleases Him.